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Category: Family
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March 30, 2004
Dear Mimi, |
| I have a bit of an ethical question. I was married at the very early age of 18 when I thought I knew what love was all about. At the age of 22 I was already divorced with scars running deep from an abusive relationship. That whole experience brought a lot of grief and discomfort for both my family and me and I haven't quite come to terms with my mistake. Today I am 29 and have met the man who really is my soul mate and we are engaged to be married next fall. Though the life I had at 18 is far from the life I have now, I've chosen to keep my previous marriage a secret from new acquaintances. Only to avoid the pain of being reminded of those years. My husband to be is an understanding and wonderful man who doesn't hold it against me though we haven't told his family or other very close friends I've made in the recent years. I feel a huge amount of guilt for not mentioning it to them before now, though now I am afraid to tell them since it feels too important a topic to not have said earlier. I feel like a bad friend/daughter in law. Is there a right or wrong way to bring up something like this? Any advice is wonderful!
Thanks, Nicole |
| Dear Nicole, |
| This part of my job is always an easy one, because the answer is always so straightforward. After years of trial and error I have found that nothing beats the direct approach. In a letter, over lunch, over a drink, at breakfast, whenever…tell them that you care for them and you have something to tell them. You were scared about telling them in the past, but you value their relationship too much to not tell them now. Explain what happened. Let them know how much you have grown as a result of your experiences. Let them know that you are proud of who you are because you learned from your past and have been able to move on to the true love of your life. Be confident, be friendly, be understanding. They might be hurt initially, respect that. Make sure you fiancée knows what your game plan is. The only time not to do this is during a stressful time when emotions are running high…like right before or after your wedding. When the moment comes, steel yourself; be proud…and go for it!
Best of Luck, |
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